


Of Sparklepires and Slayers

by SouloftheRose



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Sparklepires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouloftheRose/pseuds/SouloftheRose
Summary: Video night at Casa de Summers: Buffy chooses Twilight much to her boyfriend's horror. Spike has some choice words about Edward Cullen.Just a fun little plot bunny that occurred to me while reading Cleolinda's LJ. Snappy banter between our favorite duo, lots of fluffy Spuffy & a happy ending. Enjoy :)One-shot fic, Complete. No spoilers.
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Kudos: 15





	Of Sparklepires and Slayers

**Author's Note:**

> For Cleolinda, who introduced me to the hilarity that is Twilight and invented the lolarious phrase “sparklepire”. Y'all should really check out her Twilight recaps.

“Oh, come _ON_!” Spike bellowed, unable to take another minute of prancy nonsense. “Now he’s bloody SPARKLING?” He gestured emphatically at the TV. “It’s bad enough the git’s been doin’ nothing but stare and pout for the first third of the bloody picture, but now I have to deal with _SPARKLING_?!”  
  
Buffy patted his leg soothingly.  
  
“It’s just a movie, honey. Relax and enjoy the suspended disbelief.”  
  
“Bah.” He dismissed, crossing his arms moodily. “You just like it ‘coz it reminds you of your teenage crush on Forehead Boy.”  
  
She looked at him sideways.  
  
“Or maybe I like it because he reminds me of _you_.”  
  
Spike stared at her in horror.  
  
“Take that back!”  
  
“Won’t.” She grabbed a handful of popcorn and popped a kernel in her mouth with a smirk.  
  
“He is _not_ like me! I am not like that!” He pointed agitatedly at the glittering vampire on the screen. “If anything he’s Angel Junior.”  
  
Buffy was enjoying this _way_ too much.  
  
“I’m not so sure…”  
  
He seized on an idea; “I can prove it.”  
  
“How?”  
  
“If that were me, I woulda had the girl in the first 15 minutes, not waste days with all the angst and endless eye-fucking.”  
  
“You might have a point there…except…”  
  
“Except WHAT?”  
  
“It did take you over 2 years to make your move on me.”  
  
“Not true.” He corrected.  
  
“How so?”  
  
“I made my move not an hour after I first saw you.”  
  
“Whahuh?”  
  
“Don’t tell me you don’t remember, Pet - I’d be deeply hurt.” He gave her a mock pout. “It was my first romantic gesture. I thought girlfriends were supposed to memorize these sorts of things.”  
  
“What are you talking about, Spike? The first time I laid eyes on you, you were threatening to _kill_ me.”  
  
“Exactly.” He sat back on the sofa with a satisfied smile.  
  
Buffy stared at him blankly.  
  
“Vampire, Sweets.“  
  
She blinked.  
  
“You’re a _Slayer_.” He pronounced smugly.“Nothin’ more romantic than that.”  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“So you’re saying that a death threat is the height of vampire romance?”  
  
Spike nodded.  
  
“Right up there with flowers n’ candy on Saint Valentine’s Day.”  
  
She stared at him for a second, jaw hanging.  
  
“I can’t believe I _date_ you.”  
  
“I can’t believe you like this movie.” He returned, settling back on the cushions.  
  
“What?” She shrugged. “It’s cute. Kind of nice to think there might be “vegetarian vampires” in the world.” She grabbed another handful of popcorn from the bowl. “Which is just one more thing you have in common if you think about it.”   
  
She munched happily watching her boyfriend go from pink to red.  
  
Spike’s mouth worked in silent outrage before he finally managed; “I am NOT a vegetarian!”  
  
Buffy raised the back of her hand to her forehead in an affected swoon. “Oh EDWARD!” Her voice went up an octave. “You’re so beeeeeautiful and daaaaaazzzling.” She clasped her hands together at her heart. “Take me! Take me now!”  
  
“Oh that is IT.” He tossed the throw pillows aside. “I’ll show you who’s a metro-vegetarian virgin frakking _SPARKLEPIRE_.”  
  
And he pounced on her with a growl, fingers digging into her sides for a tickle.  
  
“But Edward, I want you!” Buffy gasped between giggles. “I need you!” She squirmed, laughing and kicking her feet. “Oh MY _EDWARD_!”  
  
Spike gave up, collapsing with a laugh on top of her.  
  
“Shut it, you cheeky wench.” He smirked with a kiss.  
  
“Make me.” She returned with an insolent grin.  
  
So he did.  
  
Two hours later a naked and exhausted Buffy was willing to concede that sparklepires bore no resemblance to the demon inhabiting her bed.  
  
But she still gave him crap about it.  
  
Just for fun.


End file.
